It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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