What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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