i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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