i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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