youre lurking in front of me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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