I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
