brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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