I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
