Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
