I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
