six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Even my vagina gasped.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
