bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
