Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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