There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
