3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
