It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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