party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
