Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you didnt know i had herpes?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
