she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
