Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
