I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
