I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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