Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize