all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
