i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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