Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
