Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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