I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
