I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
