I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
