this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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