I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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