Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
