alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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