he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
