Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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