I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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