his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
