Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
