you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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