weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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