IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
as a side note pls kill me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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