Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
