one two three fourrrrnication!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How external is "for external use only"?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
