There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
