you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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