Im at strip club and am horny
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
