I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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