Dual....:-)
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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