Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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