note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
