Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
