Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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