My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
