The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
