Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
well you can't waste a boner
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
