dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
