I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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