his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
