you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
