my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
