It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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