If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
