I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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