Sponge bath it is.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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