i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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