we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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