Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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