Umm I'm too high to move.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
