I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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