So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
