just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
